Poloko Ntshwarang, a senior Social Work lecturer at the University of Botswana, says people who are in an abusive relationship should draw a line on the sand for their social circle: “either you are with me or against me.” She believes that being civil with abusers is only upholding a victim-blaming culture.
“When you’re in an abusive relationship, you look to others for support. You find strength in those around you, even if you can’t find it in yourself. If there are people in your life who still choose to associate with your abuser, it is okay to leave them behind too. You are not being dramatic. You are not asking people to “choose sides”. You are not being crazy, or unreasonable, or any of the other gas-lighting words your abuser used to throw around. You are choosing the best path for yourself, to allow yourself to heal properly and fully and embrace the prospect of love once more. Don’t be afraid to take the time to heal. And don’t be afraid to cut loose all those who hinder the process.”
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