Last week, I discussed the perils of trying to ‘save the world;’ and without wishing to discourage people who feel called to serve in some way, the point I wish to make is that none of us needs to rescue people we believe cannot save themselves.
Seeing people as incapable of rising above their challenges implies that they are somehow ‘lesser than’ we are; after all, if we could overcome life’s obstacles to arrive where we are, why shouldn’t they?
We are each born with the desire to be happy and are capable of fulfilling it. Our greatest satisfaction comes from realising our goals through our own genius. Yet sometimes, when we’re doing well and we see others who are not, we feel guilty and attempt to redress the disparities by doling out assistance. But just how effective is this?
Think back to the last time you tried to alleviate someone’s plight? Did you give money to a cash-strapped relative because you feared their kids would starve? Or did you ‘solve’ the problem of a friend who was in dire straits? How long did the effects last? I’m willing to bet, not very long. Your relative probably still needs cash bail outs, perhaps on a more frequent basis; and your friend may now be engulfed in a series of crises that have started to detrimentally impact your own life.
It is instinctive to want to end human suffering where we see it, but consider your own situation ÔÇô what process did you use to improve your life?
Think about the last time you were filled with pride upon achieving something great. Without exception, your feat began as a mere thought, which you nurtured through burgeoning excitement, until your vision became so inspiring that you were compelled to act on it; and the success followed.
If you’ve had multiple successes, you have probably also increased in confidence and realise that you really can achieve anything, no matter the odds. Statistics are for people who are looking for excuses; the evidence points to the fact that we can be, do or have anything we set our minds to. Yet if some can do this, why can’t we all?
Actually, we can; and the day this realisation dawned on me, I suffered something of an existential crisis. I wondered what I was good for if it wasn’t to champion someone else’s cause. But it was also incredibly liberating to realise that we are each responsible for how our lives turn out; and that none of us needs to agonise over how to rescue others.
Since I stopped seeing people as weak and in need of help, I have developed an awe of human potential; as well as an unwavering belief in our inherent capacity to be great. While I haven’t abandoned my work in conflict resolution, I have experienced a paradigm shift; and desire to cultivate ‘Positive Peace.’
To most people, positive peace signifies more than the absence of conflict; it includes positive aspects such as the restoration of relationships and creating social systems for the population. While I agree with this, I also believe that positive peace should be predicated on the realisation of personal power, which is inevitably accessed through the application of positive principles.
If I had to reduce positive peace to basic principles, it would consist, more-or-less, of the following.
One – human beings enjoy unlimited power, which they access through their minds. We create through our thoughts; and positive thoughts create positive realities. The way we feel indicates whether our creation will be positive or negative. To create a great life, regularly cultivate positive feelings, including through practicing appreciation.
Two – cultivating positive emotions helps us to devise solutions to apparently intractable problems. Positivity broadens our minds, leading us to be creative and to devise win-win solutions.
Three ÔÇô particularly in countries at conflict, people who are suffering have the greatest desire to end their own misery; and can do so through, amongst other things, the use of positive thought processes. Suffering inspires mental clarity about what we want and the motivation to pursue it. That is why our greatest triumphs often follow our darkest moments.
Four ÔÇô while there is a place for external assistance, such assistance should be based on the ability of the individual (or nations) to decide and alter the course of their fate. Instead of imposing external solutions, through service, we should help people discover their ability to solve their own problems. That is how solutions become implemented; it’s also the way to sustainable, positive change.
Five ÔÇô allowing people to improve their own experience is an empowering process, while rescuing them creates dependence and, often times, resentment. We all want to experience the feeling of invincibility that comes with creating something amazing, of proving that we are the captain of our fate, the master of our soul.
Six – in providing service to others, we should view it as “co-creation,” rather than “us doing for them.” More fundamentally, such service should bring us joy and shouldn’t feel like a burden. If it does feel onerous, it doesn’t do anyone any good.
Seven ÔÇô focus on what works as the route to peace. While we shouldn’t ignore our differences, we needn’t over-emphasise them. Often, we have more points of convergence and can use them to create even greater harmony. What we focus our attention on grows.
Circumstances are never so awful that there is nothing positive to see. Rather, it is as James Michener put it, that: “an age is called dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it.”
Eight ÔÇô Be your own leader; follow your own movement. Don’t give anybody else the credit for how your life turns out. Resolve to take control and create a wonderful life.
Nine ÔÇô cultivate personal peace; let this be your greatest contribution to global peace.
*Primrose Oteng is a Master of Applied Positive Psychology. She writes in her personal capacity
